April 8, 2008 – 6:12 am
by Claire Tourney
The break up of a relationship can cause intense emotional states which can make it hard to keep your balance. And if you tend towards a more melancholy personality it can be easy to fall into self pity and depression.
Sometimes this can lead you to secretly hoping that perhaps your ex girlfriend will find out how much pain you are in and she will feel sorry for you and want to get back together again.
In this emotional state it may seem easier to settle for sympathy instead of love and you may succeed in getting your ex girlfriend back for awhile. Women tend to feel responsible to rescue and help someone they see in emotional distress and pain.
But you have to realize that this will backfire on you in the long run. In effect you are laying the burden of your emotional pain on your ex girlfriend, and because women are usually more sensitive and nurturing she may come back to you just to save you from some of the hurt you are feeling, but this doesn’t lay the foundation for a healthy relationship, you are planting the seeds for a co-dependent and dysfunctional type of relationship instead. A relationship that will only end up causing both of you more pain in the future.
Now you may not consciously realize you are doing this, but this is also a manipulative type of behavior - a serious relationship killer. You may succeed in getting your ex girlfriend to feel sorry for you and want to come back, but would you rather have real love or just pity?
Looking for sympathy instead of love may get your ex girlfriend’s attention for awhile, but in the end you will be further behind than when you started. You deserve better, and if you don’t think so then you need to find ways to boost your confidence and start liking yourself more.
To really have any hope of getting your ex girlfriend back you have to understand that you just cannot attract someone’s love when you are being clingy, needy and emotionally desperate.
Instead it’s really important that you take time right now to work on yourself. Do things that help you to feel better, stronger and happier, and you will not only begin to like yourself more but you will become more attractive to your ex too. Then you will be ready to begin planning a SMARTER strategy for getting your ex girlfriend back.
Tags: Relationships
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There are few events more traumatic than a breakup with the love of your life. You may be wondering if you’ll ever get over the pain of this loss, never mind winning her back. You definitely aren’t alone here because anyone who has a life will inevitably have a breakup with someone they love.
Thing is, this happens all the time, people breakup and people get back together again. If you keep a positive attitude then there’s nothing stopping you from reuniting with your ex and getting your life back together. Here are some tips to keep you motivated and feeling positive.
You have to come to terms with the pain of separation and move on. Wallowing in your pain will lead to self destructive behavior in one form or another. Depression, anger, anxiety, drug abuse and alcoholism are some of the consequences of allowing your pain to control your life.
Don’t be too quick to give up with it wasn’t meant to be. You don’t know what’s possible or impossible until you’ve tried to get her back. Laying around feeling depressed and watching TV all day is a waste of time. Nothing is going to happen unless you change it. So the time to start is now. Take action by formulating a plan to get her back.
Begin a self improvement program. This program should deal with both internal and external improvements. Take off those extra pounds, put some effort into coordinating your wardrobe, and do whatever else that needs improvement. Think over the personal shortcomings that caused the breakup and resolve what to do about them. These improvements will make you feel better about yourself which improves your outlook.
Get out and have fun. The idea of fun that isn’t centered about your ex may be difficult to grasp at first but there must have been a time in your life when your ex wasn’t a part of it. This is a time to be with old friends and making new ones. Meeting and getting the interest of other women will boost your self confidence and help you to get over the pain of the breakup. Living life again will give you a more balanced perspective on what you want to get out of it.
The difference between success and failure will almost always hinge on your attitude. This is true in every endeavor that you pursue in life be it sports, career, or your love life. Pessimism will drain the life force out of you and hold you back. A positive attitude motivates and builds up the energy and confidence that you need to get your ex back.
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