If You Want To Get Your Ex Back Then You Must Read This!

June 6, 2008 – 6:07 am
by Benjamin Wise

It’s a harsh reality that breaking up with a loved one hurts. It’s been proven that break-ups can even have very real physical effects including stomach pain, weight loss, headaches, and fatigue. So it’s natural that a person who recently suffered a break up would want to anything they could to stop the pain–and in most cases, this means getting their ex back.

Although the circumstances of a break up can vary widely from couple to couple, there are a few simple measures you can take to help get your ex back.

The first requires some introspection on your part. The intensely emotional nature of most break-ups almost inevitably leads the person who’s been broken up with to leap to conclusions about their ex. It is essential that you do not do this.

The first fundamental begins with responsibility. The key to any healthy relationship is balance. Two people who care deeply about one another do not become dependent on the other but interdependent. They are there for one another and really respect one another. In terms of interdependence each individual takes responsibility for their actions. The first problem when relationship breaks down is that we start to not take responsibility for our actions.

This means accepting the blame, and letting your ex know that you’re prepared to own up to your part of the break up. What this does not mean, however, is rationalizing your actions to be the other person’s fault. In other words, don’t say, “I did these things but it was because of you.” This isn’t an apology, it’s an accusation and can only serve to anger your ex or put them in a position of being defensive, not receptive to the prospect of a reconciliation.

You are only half of the break up, though, and as such can only be half of the solution. Listen to what your ex has to say, too. Although some of what they share with you may not be easy or pleasant to hear, it’s important to not react on a purely emotional level. Don’t interrupt. You will learn a lot more about what is going on in your ex’s head and heart by hearing complete sentences and thoughts than you will by interrupting them before they can qualify the first part of a sentence.

Maturity leads to communication. Communication is about sharing, when your mouth is in gear you are learning nothing. Trust me what’s in your head is old news. So you need to listen. Once you do listen I suggest not reacting, in actual fact once your ex has gone through everything, even if it upsets you, just leave it there, and take time out before trying to figure out a solution.

Lastly, take this time to consider why, exactly, you want your ex back so badly. Is it really because this is a person you want to share your life with, or is it simply that you don’t remember how to be without them anymore? Even if you have just gotten out of a long relationship, chances are you haven’t been with that person your whole life. There was a time when you did alright without them. Take the time to consider whether this person is an integral, important part of your life now or if you can possibly build a new life without them in it.

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