Internet Love Vs. Local Love (And What IS Love?)

May 8, 2008 – 6:02 pm
by Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD Clinical Sexologist

In our relentless search for signs of intelligent life my hometown, through meeting, greeting and all the preliminary rituals of dating. We are so action oriented that we think of love as something that is done, as in a job description.

I remembered some mentioned deep hearted comments about love, dating and the appropriate-and inappropriate behaviors of the human mating rituals were called for after experiencing some of the less than favorable dating and mating dances first hand. Therefore, wanting to know if it was just me, feeling the urge to flee the Internet dating scene, I sought out interviews with the local women of the area. The results of these interviews provided for a delectable birds eye view of what it REALLY is like to embark on the path of Internet singles sites.

Let’s start with the “Philosophy Of Love”.

It is the method of merging in ultimate union through the heart. It is dualistic in the sense that one experiences love at first in relation to something or someone separate from oneself. The goal and outcome is non dualistic in the sense that the lover and the beloved merge as one.

Though the work is delicate, it is much more than just that, in that it is too easy to get too much reward (bliss) from the dualistic stage..that one cannot leave the separateness to proceed to the initiative stage. We are so action oriented that we think of love as something to do. But most people have sadly found that you cannot make love if love does not already exist. Love has to spring spontaneously from within, and it is in no way amendable from any inner or outer force. Love and coercion can never go together, but love can be awakened within a person through love itself. Love is essentially self-communicative. Those who do not have it catch it from those who do have it. True love is irresistible unconquerable. It goes on gathering power and spreading itself until eventually it transforms anyone involved.

There are different vehicles of lover for beloved. The essence, the love is the same. What one is loving within the other is love itself. When we say we “fell in love”…we say that the person found the key to unlock the place of your love. When the experience is mutual you can say psychic chemistry allows both partners to fall in love or awaken to love. Since love is a state of being that state to which we all want to return , we wish to possess love or we try to possess the key but we find that is impossible ….to possess the key is to loose it.

More often than not, we become attached to the methods and fail to realize that it is the goals and not the method we crave. A relationship that starts out as one that awakens love can only remain a living vehicle for love to the extent that it is continually made new. Play your role in the divine dance but know it is such so that its divine nature is recognized and appreciated.

The reality of today’s dating scene is not as flowery and romantic as the above verse presumes it to be. (This commentary is not gender biased, but rather derived from several interviews with women in the local vicinity. Their self-reports corroborate a general lack of dignity in dating these days. It is agreed that one must be thick skinned in order to grin and bear the process and be able to roll with the punches that “dating” entails)

Several local women revealed the following to me:

SUSAN: “Please do not insult us in meeting for a Sunday afternoon bite to eat on a first “date” and fool yourself into believing that you have the right to be in our “personal space”….you know…the hand holding, playing with hair, touching waist, kissing. Did you mention this would be part of our date? Did I suggest it? No! Such nerve.”

This confuses me as to the precedence for this seeming familiarity and sense of entitlement?” How presumptuous can men be? These physical actions send a clear message to most women, that you don’t want to really know who they are….but are simply looking for a quick hook-up to ease your loneliness or satiate your pleasure quota for for a short period of time. With that satiation comes a heavy price…..more baggage.

VICKY: “Someone please explain to those of us women with half a brain…(c’mon this is not brain surgery) why guys think they can smooze you, kiss and flirt with you, invade your boundaries of respect…finish off their pork dumplings ..and send you off with a kiss or two and a swift adios. “Once we make it clear that we are not interested in going home with you an hour and a half into the date, they cool off and dismiss you and the next day are with their ‘new love’, someone else.”

NANCY: “Please…keep your hands to yourself and GROW UP!!!!!! Any self respecting man that is sincere and wants to make a good impression on a woman, would or should have the social graces by this stage of the game…(c’mon!!) to know how to dance the ‘divine dance’…

This is the twenty first century. Macho is out. Mutual respect is in. A woman is running for president. If you don’t waste our time, we will not waste yours.

On a lighter note….a good male friend of mine requested that we as women, not let the “bad seed” representatives of our male population ruin it for the good guys out there. And…yes indeed there are still good guys around! One of my favorite quotes- “if you don’t stand for something-you’ll fall for anything”. The tone of this article might seem a bit ominous regarding dating. It is actually not. I think it is important for some men, who have the negative characteristics that make them what we call “another frog to kiss”, can change those warts and come in afresh, and actually be a true loving candidate. This is also true for women. There are no rules written in stone, but mutual respect and common sense rule out over all else.

Onward upward fellow single women (and men). Just don’t let those living in sleeping bags in Clueless Park get you down or even slow you down.

About the Author:
America’s 2nd Favorite Sexologist Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD is a mental health counselor and certified sexologist practicing in Boca Raton, Fl. She works with individuals, couples and family both in-office and by phone (worldwide). Click Here To Visit Her Site

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