Love: Did Tina Turner Sing It Right

May 15, 2008 – 11:49 am
by Dr. Arlene Krieger

Tina Turners classic lyrics from her song, “Whats Love Got To Do With It” pierce through me almost every time I drive into my office garage. Although they say that one should leave their work at the office, in my line of work, that is easier said than done. The pain and angst of life exists, many learn to survive it, for some that are eternally stuck in the past, it culminates into eternal pain. Whether at rest, in lines at the food store or caught in traffic, thoughts of my patient’s lives tumble through my head like waves crashing upon the shore. The nuances of each and everyones personal dilemmas, ebbing and flowing with the same destructive forces of nature of an earthquake.

I recently read a very good article regarding “head over heels attraction can be a sign of bad schema chemistry.” The author speaks of “love traps” such as issues of entitlement, abandonment, defectiveness, subjugation, self-sacrifice, and punitiveness. The list is unlimited as to what we as human beings are capable of, in relation to the dynamics or a relationship (whether the couple is living together or apart).

Likewise, if sexual and physical attraction, the desire for another for the sake of personal pleasure is not LOVE, then as ‘ then as Alfie asks”‘ again and again in the song “whats it all about.?” To begin with, LOVE is a decision that one makes, hopefully incorporating, reason, logic, and executive frontal lobe processes, vs. the animal attraction of the limbic system thought processes. Real LOVE is the conscious intent, a cognitive leap of good faith, mixed with genuine care, respect, and a sprinkling of heartfelt and soulful emotion towards your significant other.

That given, absolute LOVE is not isn’t just desiring this significant other in your life because you can gain personal pleasure from them, but rather, it is an intangible soul to soul love, where wanting the best for the other person comes from your heart, not from a sense of personal gain. To love one because you admire and respect the core essence of them, to love another from the perspective that you are a better person for having them in your life, these are the essentials of an authentic and lasting LOVE. And that love is a trusting love that only deepens. It doesn’t feel forced. It is one that has natural growth.

The path to bliss can be a thorny one, but well worth the journey. Just wanted to offer a few roses to smell along the way. It is a journey, have no doubt, but a very worthwhile one.

About the Author:
Dr. Arlene Krieger is America’s 2nd Favorite Sexologist. See her website

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