Seven Keys To Successful Relationship Therapy

May 6, 2008 – 3:56 pm
by Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD

Often times patients often ask their therapist what action they should take regarding a specific dynamic in their relationship. It is important for the the individual or couple upon entering the therapy process to be aware, that it is not for the Doctor or Therapist to tell them what to do or how to do it, but rather, to interpret for the couple, and help them to understand exactly what it is that they are trying to say to each other.

A therapist’s job is not to FIX the people who seek their services, but to “Help Them Help Themselves. ” During this process, the therapist provides a safe haven to explore issues, and an experts positioning on the sequences of behavior and patterns of interaction at play in the what might seem to be a deteriorating relationship.

Of course it can be hard “to see the forest for the trees” when one is in the middle of crisis in their own personal trials and tribulations of life and love. As the Therapist, it is my job to help the couple/individual make sense of and choose possible options for moving forward in their relationships in a pro-active way that is positive for all parties. But if the couple is committed to the relationship and making it work, despite its history, it can and often will.

With these basic and essential boundaries in place, the groundwork for the therapeutic process begins.

During the first three sessions, the therapist must “join” with the patient, meaning, that each respective party begins to feel comfortable in their role as patient, and therapist. It is during these crucial beginning sessions that the doctor/patient relationship is nurtured and developed.

It is by then that the patient(s) usually decide that there is a “comfort zone” and they wish to continue with therapy with this particular doctor/ therapist, it is at this point that the interactive components of trust and therapeutic process between Doctor and Patient develop into a productive working relationship.

The secret to a” healthy working relationship” with your therapist, and to getting the most out of your therapy, is in truly understanding the Therapeutic process. A few of these rules for therapy are listed below.

1. Going into therapy, decide whether you are there to “win” at something, or to “work on solutions” to help your relationship survive.

2. Don’t expect the Therapist to “take sides”. Your therapist is well-trained to not take a subjective but objective stance.

3. Let down the defenses: Don’t come into therapy with a “chip on your shoulder” you are either here to gain a better understanding of your relationship or to fight about the past. Unfair fighting is a deal breaker and you will find yourself a difficult person with which to deal (even with yourself).

4. Taking responsibility for your own life, relationship and therapeutic process is a key. Simply going to therapy will not “fix” your relationship. It is up to you and your partner to follow through with the therapeutic process both in my office and in your daily lives.

5. The therapist will probabyly provide interactive discussion during therapy. Today’s therapy hopes to provide the patient with Solutions for Today’s problems. Simply venting or talking to the therapist for the 55 minute session is old school therapy, psychodynamic, and often leaves the patient feeling as thought they’ve come out of therapy with no new tools or skills with which to experiment.

6. In solution-focused therapy, homework, or directives for further development of your therapy treatment plan are implemented, so that you’ve done your part of the therapy process between appointments (or phone sessions).

7. Therapy is not a day at the Park. Expect to feel uncomfortable at the beginning. It is difficult to feel vulnerable and safe enough at the same time, to express your personal issues and move forward with your therapist. Hopefully these guidelines will provide a birds-eye view enabling you to get the most from your investment in Psychotherapy. If you are reading this article, you are taking the first step to improving your quality of life and relationships. Small baby steps can lead to great accomplishments.

About the Author:
Sexologist Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD practices in Boca Raton Florida is a Marriage & Family Therapist & Clinical Sexologist dealing with issues such as intimacy, erectile dysfunction, relationships & more. Sexologist Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD, America’s 2nd Favorite Sexologist. To blog with her click here!

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