Seeing The Real Costs Of Divorce

June 20, 2008 – 7:04 am
by Alex Archer

If your marriage is in trouble, it is important to consider overall the high cost of divorce, both financially or emotionally. Even if your marriage has suffered from an affair (one of the most common reasons for considering a divorce) it is possible to recover.

Taking apart a marriage is complicated, and the intense feelings involved make it much more so. Consider you and your spouse’s financial conditions if only one of you has been the wage earner, or if one is earning much more than the other, the financial change could be devastating.

In most cases, a divorce means maintaining two households and that is almost always much more expensive than a single residence. When children are involved, the choices in housing are more limited and more costly. In these days of high gas prices, commuting between two parents adds even more to the costs. Of course, being shuttled between two parents also puts undue stress on the children.

You might not even realize the true high cost of divorce (financially or emotionally) until you’ve made an assessment of your lives. The child custody issue, in particular, is rocky. Besides the emotional issues involved, there is the potential financial nightmare of child support.

Even when there are no children, dividing property and items acquired as a couple is difficult. There may be practical reasons for needing items as well as sentimental attachments to some things. If a home is involved, it may be necessary to sell it to fairly divide it and this can mean high moving costs and losing the place of good family memories.

If money is the reason for the split, seeing a financial counselor would probably be required to settle issues like dividing the debt. In this case, the process might even save the marriage.

If an affair is the cause of the split, you might be able to save the marriage with professional help. The clergy will often help at not expense, but there are also family services that charge on a sliding scale and private marriage counselors. Most importantly find someone who has experience with infidelity. Sometimes inexperienced or amateur counsel from friends and family can do far more harm than good.

The betrayed party is certainly hurt by the affair, but the vows that pledged you both to fidelity also called for you to stick together through both good and bad times. Start the healing process: take time to understand the \”whys\” of the affair, and remember that the cheater is a human being who makes mistakes like all of us.

The identity of being a couple should not be underestimated either, and divorcing changes the whole social dynamic with friends and activities. Even when both parties want a divorce, loneliness is common and so is drifting into impulsive relationships far too soon. A couple should try to remember the good times and put the current distress into perspective.

You might be able to avoid divorce (and its high emotional and financial costs) if you get help and are dedicated to saving the relationship. Even if you get the divorce anyway, the help from experts will probably help ease some of the pains. Be honest about the costs of divorce to yourself and the decision will become much clearer.

About the Author:
Infidelity creates a pain like no other. At the Affair Recovery Center we know from experience. We can help you cope with infidelity. Don’t suffer another day. Start healing from infidelity right now.

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