Stopping Infidelity To Save A Relationship

June 20, 2008 – 4:50 am
by Alex Archer

Not everyone is guilty of infidelity. Most probably are not. Yet the problem looms large in our society. We don’t talk about it much and often act as if it didn’t exist, but ignoring acts of infidelity will usually only make a bad situation worse. Infidelity can be a complex issue with many underlying causes. These causes need to be uncovered and addressed if a healing process is to occur.

Infidelity is divisive. Infidelity can hurt more than just the adulterer’s spouse, but the couple’s friends and family too. Children along with other family members, friends and acquaintances can be severely harmed by an act of infidelity. A child can carry the hurt and the guilt resulting from acts of infidelity by his/her parents for the rest of his or her life.

It’s not just the betrayed spouse who is hurt. If you’ve been involved in an act of infidelity you may suffer as well. The act may well have been a wrong solution to a problem you have and don’t even recognize. The problem not only remains but is now compounded by feelings of guilt or unhappiness. Movies often paint a deceptively romantic picture of infidelity. In the movies the person committing the act is often seen as the victim, his or her spouse the culprit. In real life, the opposite is just as likely to be true and the third party can be a chance acquaintance rather than the perfect lover portrayed in the movies.

Additionally, infidelity is not always the death knell in a relationship, despite people feeling it to be the ultimate act of betrayal. Infidelity is the equivalent in a relationship to a child acting out against their parents when something isn’t to their liking. Often, infidelity can be used as a mechanism to fulfill some need that isn’t being taken care of in the relationship. But this unconscious dissatisfaction can come from seeking through relationships, that which humans cannot truly provide for each other.

Professional help is the best approach to deal with a relationship tainted by infidelity. A trained professional can help the parties involved discuss the situation and all of its ramifications while the parties themselves probably could not do this on their own. There is a need for mediation and a need to be able to talk to a trained specialist who is not only knowledgeable but sympathetic towards the issue. Those involved can more easily open up to a trained professional and the root of the problem leading to infidelity can be exposed and dealt with.

A professional can also prescribe ways that the couple can rectify their relationship in a sort of affair recovery. Usually, a professional will recommend further couples therapy along with some sort of informational reading that explains the psychology behind infidelity or provide examples of how infidelity can be worked through. More severe cases can result in more drastic suggestions such as a trial separation or more radical therapy, but a professional will exhaust reasonable options before recommending a permanent separation.

Seeking professional help has been proven to give couples a greater chance of saving their relationship than if they try to work things out on their own or, worse yet, try to ignore the issue. Too often, separation and divorce is the only solution considered. A close relationship is very unlikely to ever be restored and of course children involved will suffer. If you are caught up in this situation you owe it to yourself, your partner, and any children you may have to seek professional advice before jumping to conclusions.

If you’re the guilty party you may think at first that you’ve gotten away with something and you can continue to get away with it. This is a slippery slope and you are not only going to hurt your partner but are also in the process of hurting yourself. Your emotional state, even your mental health can suffer severely. The sooner you recognize this and reach for help the better. Help may come from your partner or a professional therapist, or maybe even both.

About the Author:
Infidelity creates a pain like no other. At the Affair Recovery Center we know from experience. We can help you cope with infidelity. Don’t suffer another day. Start healing from infidelity right now.

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