The Mother’s Dilemma: Should You Take Time for Yourself?
Mothers typically think they are supposed to put the needs of their family before their own. Tending to other people first is a culturally accepted norm for women in our society. Anything short of this can be perceived as selfish, even sinful.
You may hold up in your short-term and even medium range duties if you are continually tending to other people’s needs at the expense of your own. But nobody can keep that up forever, not even you. Providing a tiny bit of regular space to allow yourself to recharge will help maintain your ability to respond, to be “response-able” to the needs of your loved ones.
One thing you may not have considered is that you are a role model for your children from the day they are born. As such, you have a responsibility to show them how to care for themselves by taking care of yourself. Mothers have wept over the realization that they had modeled a lack of self-care for their daughters until it was nearly too late. Our children learn far more from our actions than from our words. If you want your children to take healthy time and space for themselves as adults, you need to show them how.
While meditation can be extremely helpful, you don’t need to sit down and meditate to take 10 minutes for yourself. You can go for a short walk, just sit in a quiet spot inside, outside, or even in the car (while you’re not driving). Sometimes I actually have to lock myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes to get the time and space I need, but it is worth it.
If you are with your children 24/7, please consider creative ways to take an hour or so each week away from your family. The “Mommy Brain” is constantly on duty, even when we’re not next to our children, but a little distance can open up space in our minds and decompress our bodies in a very healing way. Oddly, having time away can open up our hearts to our loved ones and help us appreciate the most important people in our lives even more.
You may find unexpected benefits from following through with this self care technique. Certainly you will realize temporary benefits from having a few daily moments to breathe, but will be creating long term benefits as well. When your inner self begins to trust that you are going to continue taking time and space for yourself, your mood and even body image will improve. You are, in effect, saying that it is all right for you to be in the world! This will translate into healthier self-talk, wiser choices, and a more grace-filled, response-able presence as a partner, wife and mother.
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